J-Lo

J-Lo, Jo, Mojo, Jojo .. well they really are just plain ol' me. Bookmark this page for some bedtime reading and do post some comments once in a while for the love of me. *^_^*

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Emotionless

Bought a Good Charlotte cassette to play in the car.

Was listening to it yesterday on my way home from work and I stopped at this one particular song – emotionless.

I replayed the song at least 5 times, singing it over and over again.

I wept beneath those sunshades. It reminded me of dad …


Hey dad,

Writing to you

Not to tell you that I still hate you

Just to ask you how you feel


And how we fell apart

How this fell apart


Are you happy out there in this great wide world?

Do you think about your sons?

Do you miss your little girl?

When you lay your head down

How do you sleep at night?

Do you even wonder if we’re alright….

But we’re alright

We’re alright


It’s been a long hard road without u by my side

Why weren’t you there all the nights that we cried?

You broke my mother how you broke your children for life

It’s not ok but we’re alright

I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes

But those were just a long lost memory of mine

I spent so many years learning how to survive

Now I’m writing just to let you know I’m still alive


The entire song, short of the part about your sons … relived memories of the past 3 years suffering without daddy by my side.


In actual fact, this song was written about a father who abandoned his children.

I related to this song in the sense that daddy just left me one sudden day.

It’s been a long hard road without u by my side

It’s almost 3 years daddy … I’m still using the PC you left for me. 3 long and painful years have passed and everytime I light up, you come to mind. Sometimes I wished I could just kill myself faster so that I could go and be with you and tell you how much I miss you and how sorry I was …

I think about you every night before I sleep … there’s just no replacement for the void … as bad as you were, as mean as you were, as childish as you were … nothing’s gonna bring you back. I still can’t accept that fact daddy… I still can’t …

I’m sorry daddy … I made you a promise that I’ll come back and see you … I thought you would wait for me … why didn’t you daddy why ???

That solemn night replays in my head as a nightmare daddy … I waited for mom to come back to bring me to see you … you knew I couldn’t drive yet … I went to work, and waited for mommy. She didn’t come back … instead she called. She was by your side daddy… At that time … you were already drifting away. Why didn’t you wait daddy … WHY?

Nothing can bring back even those mere last moments. The oxygen machine was still pumping … trying to resuscitate you … but you were already sleeping … why daddy … why?

I miss you daddy …

Who’s going to walk me down the aisle?