J-Lo

J-Lo, Jo, Mojo, Jojo .. well they really are just plain ol' me. Bookmark this page for some bedtime reading and do post some comments once in a while for the love of me. *^_^*

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Mearmshurt

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE TOI!!!!

I went bowling. For like what probably was the 6th time in my life or so. My sister roped me in to play with her bunch of crazy girlfriends in a friendly tournament. 8 teams of players with 4 women in each team consisting of pro-bowlers, hustlers and noobies alike battled their strength to not bowl into the "longkang" and to strike their way home.
The team I was in played last and we were lucky to land third placing. It was fun, with pointers from the amatuers and the team spirit was strong throughout.

The past week has been pretty uneventful with work being just alright. My manager (Daniel) is on leave for the weekend leaving me in charge of pretty much of all his stuff. Its a BORING Saturday morning (as usual) but the good news I heard today is that the job I've been working on might just be approved today! now THATS something to celebrate about!!!

.... someone's in a foul mood today. Sigh ... why can't some people keep to their promises ??? Week in week out, he always says he'll definitely see me on Saturday. Last Saturday something inevitable happened, the week before that something else happened. Today another excuse came up. So much for my Saturdays reserved to relax, hang out and chill with friends. I guess I'll just go and play foosball tonight.

I've been pondering ... on why we make sacrifices. I sacrificed most of my extra income (teaching piano) for two reasons; so that my students can advance on to better teachers and so that I can spend more time working. I sacrifice my one and only sporting activity (foosball) so that I can spend more time "building a relationship" with Sean yet all my efforts seem to backfire. If I hadn't gone to see him last night, chances are I won't even get to see him till next week. Call me paranoid but I'm pretty sure some excuse will come up for next Saturday.

I feel stupid. Here I am, dating a guy whom I went out with for a very short period of time many years ago. He was always and still is a nice guy albeit with a slightly hot temper. Fate brought us back together after losing touch for a few years and here we are, seeing each other again. Things kicked off smoothly and usually, we would already be an item. Whats holding us back you ask? The X Factor is what I call it. I don't want him to treat me as a rebound so while I'm procrastinating, there are certain "factors" on his end that is deterring us from moving on. I know that I'll never be able to replace her in his life nor can I be any better than her. What I'm trying to do is to help him forget her for if he doesn't, I'll never be able to reach that part of his heart.

Simply said, I want him yet getting him is TOUGH! HELP ME!!! Hurting him now won't exactly help my efforts so I guess I'll be the silent partner for now. I can cope ... I can handle the stress ... I'll just bury myself with work and be a donkey and the hurt will eventually fade away ... but there is still a void deep down inside, the void of loneliness, the void caused by the lack of companionship. I long for someone to turn to in times of depression, I long for someone who can bring me joy and I bring him/her joy, I long for someone whom I can confide my deepest and darkest secrets to. I long for someone to sweep me off my feet. I can only long, I dont know if I'll ever find that someone .... but I'll keep longing ....

Shiatz, sorry for the sappy bits. I got carried away ... Oh well ... Life still goes on. On the brighter side, I turn 21 in 8 days. I'm looking forward to seeing all my girlfriends and gossiping the night away. Time to sign out of #dreamland and resume #workingland


Adieu